lights.

rather than leaving a half hour before my shift to work today as i usually do, i left two hours early. i treated myself to a delicious wrap and perused ever so slowly down the streets of new york, taking in the occasional sniff of pine needles and glimpse of families decking their halls in distant windows. couples were picking out their trees on festive street corners as the familiar sound of dear christmas songs filled my ears. 

it's an incredible thing, the feeling of magic in the air around christmas. this is where i have to be honest and say i haven't felt it... in years. sure, i get in the spirit and enjoy a fresh blanket of snow as well as hot chocolate with too many marshmallows, but the actual magic that churns in your soul that makes the world around you sparkle a little brighter than the other three seasons combined? that's what i miss, dearly.  i compare myself to the parents in 'the polar express,' who ring their son's sleigh bell and don't hear anything, telling him it's broken. i don't want to say it's because i'm getting older, because i don't want to believe that. i know in my heart that the magic of christmas is real, and i'm waiting for the day when it comes alive within me, once again. 

maybe, just maybe... it will happen this year.