so... somewhere between a visit to my favorite bar and a much awaited for plate of cheesy scrambled eggs this weekend, i found myself at a beach house... you know... on the beach. in february. going home for the first time since moving back to nyc was something i both itched for and dreaded at the same time. there's something about giving in to what we really want that we seem to resist... like staying just on the cusp of happiness without completely diving in helps us to look forward to tomorrow. like that feeling just before your favorite show comes on, or when you skip that song on your ipod because it's too special to hear all the time. well, that's pretty much what home is for me. it's happiness. it's love. it's surreal, at times. forgive me if you've already lost me, but things that i truly enjoy i find myself staying away from, at times. because giving into them can be dangerous in a way, especially if you have to leave them. especially if you have to say goodbye. the people and places and feelings at home are so special to my heart, and i don't want them to get in the way of my focus on a career here in new york city.
so i'll dream of those summers, and think of those warm hugs, and focus on finishing this last semester.
until next time, home.
i'm sorry about our complicated relationship at the moment.
but... isn't that how all the best ones are?