the comfort in the unknown.

sometimes in this crazy blogging galaxy, it's unclear what readers and viewers are looking for. it's unclear what will keep them in orbit. i've found myself struggling with this for quite a while now... since i made my way back from italy last summer. while i was living in italy, i made it a point to blog almost every weekday, and even sometimes on weekends if something exciting enough was going on (which it usually was, i mean...it was italy!) 

 

balance is clearly key, but you have to know which elements go into that balance, and it can be a tricky thing, and almost an impossible formula to figure out. all i can say is, i miss writing. i miss sitting here and letting my mind take over my finger tips... with thoughts and ideas and words coming out of some small corner that i most of the time keep locked up and hidden. it's a scary thing to really let others into your mind, especially when a majority of them don't even know who you are.

 

but i've decided that what makes me the happiest, and what's kept this little blog going has been the days when i sit down like this, and spill my soul.

 

so here it goes, once again:

 

i feel like i'm at a place where i've both never been happier, and never been more terrified/worried/unsure of myself. it's called.... you graduated from college. for as long as we can basically remember, school has ruled us. it's what we base our lives around... summer break, time off for christmas... the weekends.... since we have been little preschoolers learning to write our names. we grow up with this structure, and use it almost as a crutch or even our backbone... it's everything. it's our whole world. we make friends and possibly enemies and grow with the people we choose to keep around us... we hold onto the knowledge that is shed on us, and the lessons that weren't the ones taught, but the ones that helped form us, and then one day we are 21, (or in my case, 23) and we leave it all to go after what it's prepared us for, over the past twenty years.

 

i've worked all this time... just to get here.

 

but where am i? how do i know this is even the right place for me to be? this seems to be the largest part of my inner struggle. am i meant for this big noisy city? was i cut out for it? made for it? is it made for me?

 

these questions run thought my head on the daily... especially now that i have the time to think about them. we spent all these years working our bodies off just to graduate, but are we really certain if we are working towards what we want at the end of this? all that i'm certain of is that i want to inspire people. as peyton sawyer said on one tree hill, "i want to do something that's going to mean something to someone." many people take the teacher or doctor route, an undeniable way to inspire. and sure, in some of my dreams, i'm a first grade teacher, or a midwife, delivering babies. but in others...i'm here. in this city. i don't know what my job title is or who i'm working for. but my head is held high, i'm confident...and i'm happy.

 

so to that job, wherever you are, whatever you are: i secretly hope you are here. in new york city. i have a feeling i was meant for you.

 

{photo of twin and her boyfriend ben, on graduation}

 

 

riverside.

top: f21 skirt: thrifted shoes: urban outfitters bag: milly necklace: shopbevel

the weather here in new york city has been surprisingly perfect after a couple weeks of "oh, that's what my hair looks like plus humidity." these cool seventy degree days have been perfect opportunities to throw on a little cropped t-shirt, let my hair down, and meet up with twin for a sunset stroll in the park.

one of my favorite things about living here is what it feels like to see twin after a couple days, or even just a work day apart. we always have so much to share with each other, unable to leave out the smallest of details... and having this beautiful cityscape behind us just adds to the thrill of it all. i'm also undeniably loving the fact that twin's boyfriend just moved here, and happens to live next to the most stunning park, riverside. it's location is basically the closest you can get to the hudson river without falling in, and if you plan your visit just right... you may even catch the sunset. ;) 

 one of my personal ideas of fashion is to downplay the dressy. i love pairing casual pieces with ones that are a bit more fancied up. the juxtaposition of a girly dress with old converse or a pair of heels with a t-shirt keeps things a bit unexpected and exciting.

{if you're interested in the 'vintage rock' necklace i have on, you can get it here!}

ogunquit.

 this memorial day, the goldens (plus two little golden-holts) headed to the seaside abyss of ogunquit, maine. for as long as i can remember...and then through photographic proof before that... this has been our family's go-to when the weather starts to warm. this little oceanic town is nothing short of enchanting. i swear, each year when we visit... i'm certain i'll spot a mermaid skimming the atlantic, floating around the occasional picturesque sailboat in the distance. the views are some of new england's best, and the shops and restaurants are crafty and oh so sweet.

the best part though, has to be the marginal way. this path dangles above the ocean, hugging the shoreline and offering sea sights for miles. along the way, jaw-droppingly gorgeous homes, young and old, will stare at you... and you'll wonder who could possibly afford them. ;)

and one little yellow house, with the greenest lawn and the brightest flowers, has a sign on its back porch that says, "dreams do come true." and every time i see it, every time i read it, every year... i believe it, even more.

{goldens! (minus twin, who's taking the picture)}

 {twin stole my camera, and next thing i knew... this shot was captured and i just can't even wrap my head around how beautiful it is. wow, twin.}

 {the little yellow house. (the sign is worth seeing for yourself)}

and then... dad fed lylah a lemon and it was the cutest thing i'd ever seen.

if you ever have a day to explore maine and love the ocean as much as i do, mosey over to ogunquit!

a dinner party.

when the bunch of us woke up on that lazy sunday morning last weekend, we decided that fun had no end date, and therefore... a dinner party was in order! of course, we were the party... but i couldn't think of any other beautiful faces i'd rather share a tasty meal and a glass of prosecco with. :)

 

so when nightfall came around...

 

rumours, a favorite album as of late, hit the record player... and we were busy little chefs in the kitchen, cutting veggies and concocting homemade vodka sauce. there is nothing more important to me (and twin) than spending long, relaxing hours with the people we love. so you could imagine what a night like this, where a number of our loves were sitting around one table, laughing and eating together... what it would mean to us.

 (it meant the world.)

 {i didn't get a picture of the finished product, but it was penne alla vodka. and it was scrumptious.}

 {twin and kenny}

{adam and me}

{this is what a cuddle looks like when you're normally separated by 3,000 miles. will, come home again soon! the east coast loves you more ;)}

 {a toasty patio fire under the stars, to end an amazing night}

even though this is the first summer that we are technically living in nyc, i'll be looking forward to little trips home to massachusetts, and sharing more nights like this one with those hearts that we can't help but love.

 



a day by the port.

 for our graduation present, the only real thing that twin and i wanted was a quick trip home. so when that much awaited thursday evening rolled around, we hung up our caps and gowns and popped in the back of mom and dad's car... and trekked all the way back to massachusetts. :)

 

the long weekend welcomed a trip to boston, our favorite local eats, visits from our closest friends (kenny came all the way from nyc...again!), and even a little vinyl. here are a few snaps from an unbelievable afternoon around downtown newburyport and plum island beach.

{kenny and me}

{that famous pink house on plum island. great shot, twin!}

{these devil sticks provided non-stop entertainment and laughter for most of the weekend. "ben, do the helicopter!"}

{brrrrr on the beach}

{and then the cuddle/tickle monster got me}

{tendercrop farm's famous alpaca: salt, showing her best side}

to our farm friends and real ones, thank you so much for a loving and happy weekend! we'll never forget it.

 

 

{photos by twin and me}