when home decides to take your breath away.

two weekends back, i took a little trip to a place where the trees like to show off this time of year. a place where the air is crisp and extra breathable. a place i'm lucky enough to call home. within an hour of waking up in that ridiculously comfy bed that dad won't let me swap out for my brick in nyc... i was eating eggs benedict with my brother and walking through the leaf-piled wonderland that is autumn in new england. i sort of felt a little bad, with how many times i had to stop and snap a photo, or when my ears would stop working because of the amazement my eyes were taking in. all that color. ugh. i swear, i have never seen a fall so beautiful.



"we can't find your blood pressure...on either arm..."

it's been an interesting week.

 

on monday twin and i took the train up to harlem to make dinner at her boyfriend's place while he studied like the little studious ivy boy he is. we made chicken piccata and watched modern family. i mostly just went for the couch time.... i love you ben ;)

 

on tuesday twin's boyfriend surprised her and waited outside her work to hug her when she got out, and follow her home. this put a ripple in our grocery shopping plans (thanks ben), so the three of us tried out a bbq restaurant in union square i've been itching to visit, live bait. i had a glass of pinot which led to the three of us singing 'total eclipse of the heart' on our walk to the subway.

 

on wednesday i fainted in the subway. and ended up in the ER. like i said... it's been an interesting week.

 

on thursday i was too scared to take the subway again, so i stayed home from work.

 

on friday i was still too scared to take the subway, but i knew i had to go to work. so i did. with a lot of twin's encouragement, and back pats.

 

and this weekend i'm going home to massachusetts to take a huge deep breath and leaf peep.

 

happy weekend, y'all.

 

 

{twin, i can't thank you enough for being here for me this week. i know i haven't stopped saying it, but you saved me down in that subway. if it wasn't for you, i don't know what would have happened. i really don't. you're my backbone, my heart, my saving grace. you cried whenever i did that day, and spoke for me when i was too overwhelmed or sick to do so. you sat next to me in that restaurant booth when we finally got out of the hospital, and you held my hand when i was terrified to get back on the subway home. forever. thank you.}

it's simple.

today being a slow day at work, i found myself reading through old posts on this little blog... and decided to start from the very beginning. with little breaks here and there throughout the day, i've read almost a year's worth, and can't begin to explain the feelings my heart is harboring at this very moment. with the new stresses of "the real world," sometimes it's easy to forget or not appreciate your past, and all you've done that's led up to you being, you. in this moment. to read about those nights in italy that were jammed full of studying, projects, and nutella, or relive a thought or feeling i felt while exploring a new corner of the world... it kind of puts everything in perspective, and makes today's "stress" quite frankly seem pointless.

 

 i would never want to come off as a person who has a lot, or who has had more opportunities than others... because that isn't the case at all. it isn't that i have a lot. it isn't that twin and i have a lot. it isn't that my friends or family have a lot... it's what we make of what we do have. i don't know where i learned this, or when, or how... but i'm so happy that i did. and that i know this view on the world will never leave me, it's instilled in me. and i'll only be able to share it and pass it on to those who want to believe in it, too.

because of how crazy the new york city life can be, i've come to a realization that it's the simple things, the small things, that will leave an impression on my life. it's those things that truly matter. life is about living for and in the moment, and making that moment the most it can be. for me, this means missing a train to snatch an unbelievable shot of the sunset...even when i'm tired from a long day at work. this means walking ten blocks to a farther subway stop, just so i can people watch and breathe in the seasonal changing air. this means waiting for twin in the morning, even if it leads to being a few minutes late to work...just so we can have those extra minutes together before spending ten hours apart. it means dropping an extra hundred dollars that you may not technically have, just to squeeze in a trip home where the leaves actually change colors. it means drinking tea with your favorite show, trying new recipes, and complimenting the people you care about. it means telling the people close to you that what they do matters. it means taking the time to do and feel the things that 40 years from now... you'll know mattered. because it is those moments, those simple, pure, raw, blissful ones... that make you who you are. it's those ones you'll remember.

so who do you want to be? someone bitter? someone selfish? someone constantly in a rush? someone who makes excuses not to be happy? sometimes, it can seem easier to be these things. it takes a lot less effort to be this person. but you're not really living if you're this person. you're just breathing. you're just alive. so...chase your dreams like they're the finish line, laugh until it seriously hurts, and take the time to tell the ones you love that you love them. make goals. make wishes. take chances on them. believe they'll come true.

and maybe...they will.

october (not so) blues.

shirt: michael stars blazer: h&m pants: h&m necklace: f21 hat: thrifted  shoes: borrowed

on a tuesday last week, twin and i were in one of our typical morning battles that left me feeling a little grumpy and sending some not-so-loving text messages her way around 8 am. it was another tuesday, a day that's just too far from friday. but her response made me forget what i was even upset about, and left a new kind of smile on my face that lasted the rest of that day.

 it was: "happy october :)"

 

it had taken me almost two hours to realize our favorite month had begun, and suddenly the stresses of making it to work on time and twin borrowing that shirt without asking didn't seem to weigh so heavily in my mind anymore. it was october. the month of candy corn, spooky costumes, chunky layers, patterned tights, and pumpkins. the month we were brought into this world.

since this october has felt more like august than autumn, i've found myself challenged to look season appropriate, while not sweating my cheeks off. these high-waisted pants have proven to be a great late summer to fall transition piece, with their lightweight feel and pattern. a breathable cotton shirt and fitted blazer allow for easy layering, especially when that beating sun decides to show up on your lunch break walk to the park. a dark burgundy lip and polish can really set the moody tone, too.

what are you wearing this october?

making. wishing. marveling.

Making: time. when i can, i'm letting myself know it's okay to sloooow down. when i step out of work at 6 o'clock or i'm brushing my teeth, i remind myself that although i live in this crazy go...run...hurry! city, it's important to take moments for yourself, everyday.
Cooking: a lot of pasta. what can i say, those months of italian living have stuck with me, and i hope they never go away.
Drinking: more water, and less snapple. okay, trying to drink more water and less snapple. :)
Reading: blogs. escaping through them, finding new things i want to create and places i want to visit.
Wanting: to feel more relaxed and at peace within myself, and not just on the weekends.
Looking: into joining yoga. i took my first class ever last week and although it's an expensive hobby, it's excercise for your body, mind, and spirit...and that can only have amazing effects.
Playing: in washington square park on sunday afternoons. there's something so alluring about a walk past that fountain and the sound of that very talented man on the piano. it can do a sunday good.
Wasting: money. i spend way, way too much money on...food! when i do out the math, on average i can drop $30 a day between breakfast, lunch, dinner, and the occasional cookie. there is absolutely no need for this, which is why twin and i made a special trip to trader joe's market last night, packed our lunches today, and decided that tuesday will officially be grocery shopping (and lugging) day!
Sewing: nothing. but i have a few loose buttons that i need my roommate to fix up. :)
Wishing: that i'll find unexpected magic in the bundling seasons ahead.
Enjoying: my apartment. the aesthetics and homey feel have really been coming along lately, with the new mauve wall and recent thrift finds. twin has also been bringing home goodies from her new job that have cozied up our bathroom quite a bit.
Waiting: for my birthday at the end of october. but not really because 24 sounds professional and mature, and i'm still 17 at heart.
Liking: how twin just started her new job that is literally a block from my work, so we get to commute to and from work together, and meet for lunch. (which we will be packing, and bringing to the park!)
Wondering: when i'll fall in love.
Loving: the fact that i finally found the time to finish watching one of my favorite tv series, one tree hill. and how the final episode left me crying, and keeps me dreaming.
Hoping: that me and twin's dream to open a store will become a reality. one day.
Marveling: pumpkin flavored everything.
Needing: to need less.
Smelling: the candles twin and i light just before bed.
Wearing: my cowboy boots...too much.
Following: my dreams. well, trying. trying to not lose sight of them.
Noticing: that people work hard, everyday. it's an adjustment to switch over from five-year college student to full-time office girl. and i'm not working nearly as hard as most of these people who devote their lives to their work.
Knowing: that i won't settle for anything less than true, pure happiness. i don't know how long i'll be living here in the city, and where i will end up next. but i know the second i'm not happy here, i'll leave.
Thinking: that i need to live in the countryside at some point.
Bookmarking: amazing vacation spots.
Opening: my mind to being more patient, sharing, and giving with twin.
Feeling: that this little post was exactly what i needed.

{so happy i came across the daybook blog's list}